Most of my time in Lethal Company is full of tomfoolery, panicking, and ultimately letting the quota down. As I run back and forth from the ship, only able to carry four things at a time in my puny arms, I frequently see the various monster inhabitants of the game excelling at pretty much everything. The Forest Keeper has brawny strength and can travel across the map in a blink of an eye, the Eyeless Dogs can sniff out an intruder in next to no time and The Butler has dedicated his life to maintaining a mansion even after the owners have long since gone.
This had me thinking – surely the various monster inhabitants of Lethal Company would make for a much better worker than myself?
Sure, most of them are ravenous killing machines – but that fits with the core values of The Company. After all, most of your time spent in the game will be collecting scrap on distant moons to meet an arbitrary quota set by The Company. You’ll then feed your pilfered belongings to the insatiable maw of a tentacled horror (otherwise known as the boss). You may be able to sympathise depending on your occupation.
So, if the monsters in Lethal Company were given the chance to work for said company, which of them would make it as an employee of the month and which would crash and burn harder than me getting thrown from the airlock five times in a row?
Join me as I peruse the CV’s of my favourite monsters in Lethal Company (as far as I know only half of them have opposable thumbs) and advocate for which of them should be my replacement as The Company’s new hire. After all, once this month’s Games Club is finished I’m not sure they’ll even let me back on the ship.
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Yes she’s a child, yes she’s a ghost, and yes she’s possibly unable to leave her haunting grounds but Ghost Girl is just productive enough to make the list. I could see her in a management-type role, one where employees are too scared of her creepy child ghost giggling to disobey her demands for scrap.
Alternatively, she would make a killing in PR. As the most human-looking of the monsters on offer, she could become something of a mascot and deliver propaganda that The Company is a ‘family-run business’. People love that kind of corporate embellishment. Although, we are making an assumption here that most of the universe is more receptive to ‘human-looking’ creatures. That’s Earthling vanity for you.
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Forest Keepers put the ‘war’ in eco-warrior. They’ll curb stomp you back into space if you even look at a tree distastefully. Getting them on board for a collab would be an inspired PR move and would propel The Company forward as a climate-conscious organisation. I’m thinking of sponsored adverts and a mildly threatening slogan like ‘Recycle Or Be Recycled’.
It’s also fairly faithful to The Company’s values as collecting scrap from planets and bringing it back to the maw for repurposing is, in a way, recycling. Even if that purpose is to see it get gobbled up faster than a Creme Egg on Easter.
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The Masked is just a little too try-hard. They’ll follow you around, take on your appearance and pass off your jokes as their own like a troubled teen trying to ‘find themselves’, only to ‘find’ you. There comes a point when it goes beyond flattery to a flat-out obsession, and that point is usually the end of a sharp knife if Single White Female taught us anything.
The Masked will shamble around, following you without actually doing any work for themselves, just as in office life there are some people born to coast through life by mirroring others and befriending bosses. They’re most likely to be the corporate suck-up and they’re definitely going to tell The Company about any unauthorised lunch breaks – but hey! Corporate Randalls do well in this world. In a few years, they’ll be your manager.
I get the sense the only thing they feel strongly about personally is entertainment, evidenced by their possession of the theatre mask. Theatre kids have had it hard enough though, so I prefer to think of them as adult Marvel fans – the sort of co-worker to bombard you with MCU lore while you’re just trying to put in your time and avoid being caught clock-watching.
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Ever wondered what nutcrackers do for the other 11 months of the year when they’re not chomping down on Brazil nuts and causing impromptu visits to the emergency room via finger-related injuries? Christmas is a part-time gig, and these guys need to support their families too, you know. For that reason alone they deserve a pity place at The Company. I’d argue the same case for Michael Bublé, but we all know he only exits hibernation during Christmas to provide jazzy hits and a panic purchase for dads buying mums their annual calendar.
As a result of their year-on-year duty to the holiday, The Nutcracker has developed something of a temper. Let’s utilise this. The addition of shotguns and terrifying unhinged jaws earns them a spot on guard duty, at least. After all, it’s not enough to collect the scrap – we need to guard it from pesky players too. Just know, if you ever dare to make the unforgivable mistake of playing Xmas tunes in November, they’ll quit with the wrath of 1,000 spurned George Michaels.
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Okay so bees aren’t exactly going to do any heavy lifting, but they are the hardest workers of the animal kingdom. They wouldn’t need any vacation or sick days because if anyone isn’t pulling their weight in the colony they are ostracised and sentenced to death by exposure. Bees are hardcore, man.
Lethal Company paints a picture of a universe scrambling for resources. With bees you can repopulate a planet of organic life – that means crops. Assuming The Company cares about that sort of thing, which is unlikely. If nothing else, they’ll motivate the other workers. You’ll never see a person move as fast as someone surrounded by bees.
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I think it’s time we, as gamers, issue an apology to all mistreated butlers from over the years. We all laugh at silly old Winston getting stuck in the fridge again but these poor sods simply aren’t paid enough. So, as a loyal employee tirelessly cleaning up the messes of every chaotic player to come into their homes and ransack the place, I propose they get some much-needed recognition. A pay rise, reduced hours so they can spend more time with their grandkids, and perhaps a corporate discount for eye care. Those little sockets are well overdue for a check-up.
With the increased pay, they can finally sample some of those Starbucks the youth of today waste their money on and see what the hype is all about. Just not too many, or they won’t be able to afford a house. That’s how that works, right? Or maybe they can save up and buy a mansion of their own. Then hire a butler to look after it for them when they go cruising. Of course, a butler hiring a butler does call into question the social etiquette of such a scenario. I assume any conflicts they have will go to the court of butlers, overseen by head butler Carson for all final decisions.
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Whether you think they’re the cutest little fellows in Lethal Company or you’re not a fan, we can all agree that Hoarding Bugs collect scrap like men on a mission. To the point where I have started to theorise that they worship The Company as their bug lords and shower them with offerings of scrap. Yes, I have just canonised The Company as bug overlords. We don’t know what they look like so it could be true.
The Hoarding Bugs could just be using it to build nests of course, but either way, these chirpy over-achievers consistently collect scrap like their lives depend on it and will literally die to keep ahold of a whoopie cushion. Thus I believe the Hoarding Bugs deserve a lot more recognition and respect for their dedication to the grind. They will chase and beat you up until you return your stolen goods to them; there is a lesson to be learned here for any loot goblins.
The Hoarding Bugs are, therefore, my pick for the best workers in Lethal Company. They must be promoted immediately and given an honourary title like employee of the month. Such praise will get them working harder to feed the ever-hungry beast and signify that for just this once, the little man can succeed…to middle management.
That rounds off my Lethal Company selection for employee of the month. If your favourite monster didn’t make the list, tell me why I’ve grossly overlooked them in the comments below. Or, for the small price of a few player deaths, consider adopting a hard-working monster today.
If you’re more of a monster fighter rather than a lover, check out our list of all monsters and how to beat them in Lethal Company. Also, check out our Lethal Company best mods list if you want to invigorate your gameplay and switch it up a tad.
