Meet the 7 weirdest dwarves in the history of Dwarf Fortress

Inkrose. You can find every episode listed for your convenience here. It is a sequel of sorts to the Basement Of Curiosity, which you can find archived here.

In case you weren’t aware, I’ve started a brand new Dwarf Fortress diary series, which I kicked off with a fortress-founding video featuring Tarn Adams, the game’s lovable dad. This series concerns the fortress of Inkrose: a settlement founded by seven religious fanatics, intent on living by a set of incredibly impractical commandments which I sourced from the capricious dwellers of the Kitfox Dwarf Fortress Discord server. At the end of our first episode, we left our dwarves living in a hovel with no doors, a pitiful pile of weeds to feed themselves with, and seven boisterous, holy beak dogs circling them with ever-more-menacing playfulness.

Without spoiling anything, I can tell you that things get… quite interesting from here. But before we move on to that, I want to do something I always regretted not doing with the Basement of Curiosity, which is provide you with a proper profile for each and every founding dwarf. Come on in, there’s pictures and everything.

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Biographical information for a wavy-haired, deceptively friendly looking dwarf called Tombshushed. She has an extremely upturned nose, staring, wide-set eyes, and a mess of mid-length wavy hair. She is thinking about death and bones. She is weak, clumsy, has barely any social understanding, and is repulsed by power and would see all masters toppled. She is expedition leader.

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2. Towergorge

Biographical information for a pugnacious-looking, shaven-headed dwarven woman called Towergorge. She has a prominent, narrow chin, sunken eyes, and jug ears. Despite being described as musical, she also has no creativity whatsoever. She loves barrels, swords and leather but can't handle snails. She also finds work disgusting and cares not for friendship.

3. Newrags

Biographical information for a stressed looking male dwarf called Newrags, with a very long beard. He looks like a swedish allotment manager whose mind is collapsing. He lives a hectic, fast-paced live, yet is vain and miserly, as well as being impulsive and hedonistic. He is the only male dwarf on the expedition, and is in a relationship with Towergorge. Tbh it sounds like they deserve one another.

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4. Lengthhatchet

Biographical information for an abjectly sad-looking dwarven woman called Lengthhatchet. She has faded tan hair, wrinkled skin, and looks like someone's just microwaved her only possession and laughed the whole time. She is incapable of feeling hope, yet craves albatross teeth despite the fact that albatross do not have teeth. Which tells you all you need to know tbh.

5. Clinchedoil

Biographical information for a deranged-seeming, beanfaced dwarven woman called Clinchedoil. She's leering in from the edge of the picture, with tiny-pupilled eyes facing in different directions, looking nihilistically gleeful. She has vast strength yet no stamina, thinks facts are worthless, and prefers abstract concepts to real things despite having no sense of conviction at all

6. Boardboulder

Biographical information for a cantankerous-looking, dreadlocked dwarven woman called Boardboulder. She has a sneer that suggests she wants to break into a tortoise sanctuary and force every reptile in there to smoke a pack of marlboro reds. Boardboulder is a 'total brute' who is well into whiskey, and, despite not being able to bear loyalty or friends, is super into hugging.

7. Ironsling

Biographical information for a really hard-looking dwarven woman called Ironsling. She has vast ears, and an expression that suggests she reckons a door just accused her of having an arse for a heart. Rude, brave and rowdy, Ironsling believes everyone should just get along. Apart from, presumably, oysters, which she has nothing but contempt for.

So – any favourites so far? Who would you be most afraid to live in a vile burrow with?

For me, any of these could be hero material, quite frankly. But of all of them, I think Boardboulder has a particularly dark energy, which I enjoy a lot. None of them seem like natural beak dog wranglers, unfortunately, and most of them despise nature to some degree. But you know what they say: needs must, when the beak dog drives.

Please, also – if you have any questions, requests or commands for me to act on in the series, take to the comments and say so. I’ll be starting the narrative off on it’s inevitable downward spiral next week, so if there’s anything you’d like me to focus on, now’s the time to say it. I’m well keen for this series to be all interactive and that, so I’ll do my best. See you next time, friends.

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